my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
