Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
