They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
