It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
