Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
