I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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