Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
