My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
jump out the window naked night went bad
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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