The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
