I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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