how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
