just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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