my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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