oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
