Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
