ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
