Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
