Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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