shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize