dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
