you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
