This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
