I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
