Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize