dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You did what with his pubic hair?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
