My hand turned me down
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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