Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
