time to smoke my breakfast
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
