dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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