You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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