I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
