I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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