He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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