I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
3 2 1 whiskey
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
