It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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