Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
