K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize