I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
