Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Someone shattered a urinal.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
