I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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