I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
