So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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