If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Be still, my beating vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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