Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize