Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
