dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We need to get me chipped asap
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