worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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