if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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