i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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