i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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