ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
