I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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