is your mom at the bar?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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