woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
dude. I can hear the air.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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