I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
