I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
