I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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