all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
