Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
