Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
