It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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