The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
