Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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