You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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