You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
