And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
