Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
