I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
