I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
