i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
