my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
